Product Description
There are few more contentious and heart-rending topics among women in the church than submission and what it means to be man’s helper. Elyse Fitzpatrick believes that understanding this topic can bring about great freedom and a more meaningful relationship with Christ and your husband. In Helper By Design, she takes an in-depth theological look at what it means to be made in God’s image to be a helper. No matter what your perspective, this book will set in motio… More >>
Helper by Design: God’s Perfect Plan for Women in Marriage
Even though submission is an important topic when discussing marriage, I don’t get to it until chapter 9 and it’s not the primary topic of this book. “Helper By Design” is about the way that God designed women with certain inclinations and strengths and how they can (and should!) be used in marriage. It’s about the image of God in us and how that Trinitarian image translates into the relationship between a husband and wife. It’s about how you, if you’re a Christian wife, can find purpose and joy in that relationship as you come to know Christ in a more intimate way. If you’re sick of fluffy books about marriage that tell you the “10 Steps to a Perfect Marriage (Like Mine!)” then this book is for you.
Rating: 5 / 5
This is, by far, THE BEST book written on this topic that I have ever read. Elyse lays out God’s plan for us starting from “the beginning.” I very much appreciate her emphasis on the Scriptures, allowing God to enlighten us through His Word, instead of being convinced by good argument. If you want to know how to live with, love, and support your husband, read this book. If you want to know how your identity fits in with being a “help meet”, read this book. If you feel frustrated with your unbelieving, or believing but still growing, spouse, read this book. Elyse paints an incredible picture of women made in God’s image. She tears down your defenses, releasing you to explore the truth about who you are meant to be as a wife. Problems will always exist in marriages, but understanding the unique role you have in it, ordained by God, helps you to overcome. As always, there is joy and peace when you do things God’s way. Elyse has shown me that marriage insn’t something to be endured, but to enjoy. There is hope and happiness even if your spouse isn’t perfect. I highly recommend this book, especially as a pastor’s wife.
Rating: 5 / 5
We used this book in a small group setting with 30-45 women. We spent approximately 12 weeks doing one chapter a week. The women began commenting week after week that this book simply transformed their marriages. One reason for the success of the book is it helps women to gain a biblical perspective on their role as “Help Mate” to their husband. Thus instead of focusing on changing their husband, they need to look at their own lives; and see where change needs to take place. Elyse does an excellent job at getting to the heart of the issue.
Rating: 5 / 5
Elyse Fitzpatrick does an excellent job of focussing on what the Bible presents as the primary and secondary roles for women in marriage. First and foremost, women are to reflect and radiate Jesus Christ to others. Then, they are to help their husbands rule, relate, reproduce, reflect, rejoice and rest in the role God has given them. This emphasis permeates the book and makes it vital reading for a woman in the 21st century.
She goes right to the Bible and examines what the true intent of the text in Genesis 2:18 is. As a result, she explains that the word helper means a wife is to be her husband’s friend, lover, strength, protector, help and comforter. The rest of the book is devoted to fleshing out what these terms mean in practical ways.
Each chapter closes with a section on Finding & Fulfilling Your Calling, which asks questions designed to help you apply the key points of the chapter. The book is designed to enable each wife become the kind of person God wants her to be and that her husband needs.
Anyone who complains about the way the author covers submission must not be in agreement with the idea that the couple is more important than either of the partners in a marriage. She states, “Submission to your husband flows out of your sincere, faith-filled submission to the Lord.”
Throughout the book, Elyse Fitzpatrick shares tidbits from her own life, but the best applications will come from working through the questions at the end of the chapters. In fact, the only reason I didn’t give this book 5 stars is that it requires the reader to work through the tough questions about how this would look in her own life, so if you don’t take the time to really work through the questions she poses, you won’t benefit nearly as much from the book.
Rating: 4 / 5
Elyse Fitzpatrick’s Helper By Design addresses the usual list of topics for a book like this—God’s purpose for marriage, companionship, communication and submission. Fitzpatrick takes a Biblically in-depth look at what it means for a wife to support and complete her husband.
This book is fairly easy to read and covers well the aspects of a wife’s role from Scripture. I always appreciated how the author didn’t try to define things on her own or just from her experience, but always asked the question: “What does God say about me as a wife?”
I was refreshed and encouraged as she unfolded many struggles women have in being a godly companion for their husbands. I was often challenged by this book to rethink ways I respond to my own husband. I began to consider how I can be a better helper to him by intentionally seeking to find ways to support him and build him up.
The end of each chapter has a section called “Finding and Fulfilling Your Calling”, a list of six to eight questions to help the reader go deeper in their conviction and motivation toward being a godly wife. Many of these questions had verses for further reading and I found that when I really took time to answer them they were helpful at revealing areas I need to work on and things I needed to pray about.
I really liked Fitzpatrick’s point in a section called “Common Temptations and Logs In Our Eyes”. She writes:
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God calls us to fulfill our calling in the very circumstances that
we are in. The only opportunity you have to fulfill your calling
and obey the Lord is in the now. You can’t fulfill God’s call in the
past or in the future-you’ve only got today, this minute-to
choose to follow Him or to turn aside.
One of the ways that my sinful heart frequently deceives me is
by tricking me into thinking that, if only my circumstances were
different, if it were just yesterday or tomorrow, I would be obedient.
If only I had a different husband, child, vocation, church, or home,
I would perfectly fulfill God’s call. The truth that the Holy Spirit
speaks into this deception is that God has called us to obey Him
with the husband we now have; so in one sense, it doesn’t really
matter what he’s like.
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I was really encouraged by this because I’m tempted to think this sometimes myself. If my circumstances weren’t so frustrating I could be more patient, or that if my husband and I could just always agree, then being selfless wouldn’t be so hard. But, when I think this I have it all wrong. Trying times or differing opinions are the perfect opportunities for me to obey what the Lord has called me to do.
I have been a little discouraged at some people’s attitudes about fulfilling this calling since the birth of my first child, it seems like people are so ready to excuse me from any and all responsibilities as a wife or homemaker, because now I’m a mother. I’m glad I made time to read this book because Fitzpatrick really encouraged me to remember that I am a wife first, mother second. I may by tired from mid-night feedings, but that does not justify a wrong response or a bad attitude. She encouraged me to put all excuses aside and believe that obedience is always possible.
Rating: 3 / 5